Mother-In-Law Saves the Day

Within the Law of Unintended Consequences, there is room for good outcomes. I cite as an example what my mother-in-law, Roberta, accomplished back in the 1970s. Then it was common for real estate agents to give their clients leaflets, small cookbooks, as gifts at house closings. One agency that my mother-in-law Roberta worked for propelled this project one step further: they collected recipes from “many famous people” they knew, their “clients and associates.” Starting in 1975, they self-published annuals by stapling the pages into pamphlets. As realtor Harley E. Rouda writes, “We recognized  . . .  that our sales associates were most enthusiastic about ‘the project’ and their enthusiasm was shared by our clients as well as many outstanding individuals.” So successful was the initial project that another agent edited a whole series that the agency reprinted as perfect bound, commercially printed books.

Section One: Chapter 3

When Margie and I bought our house, Roberta gave us a complete set of these booklets, which stretched across decades. Reading through them, I gradually could see themes that reflected the tastes of their eras: liver and onions, casseroles of oozing cheese, and such implied delicacies as “lima beans with mushrooms and celery.” Roberta contributed several recipes, but the one that really stuck with me—and to my ribs— was her “baked beans” recipe. The moment I tasted it at a family picnic one July 4, a decade later, I knew it could win any bean dish contest if I could successfully adapt it to the Weber Smokey Mountain cooker. So there I sat, in my faux lounge chair with the insect-inspired holes, but in my mind I imaged the additional smoky flavor this dish could serve up, arising from a simple mix of good charcoal and apple wood.

Keeping in the spirit of unintended good consequences, here was one occasion where the reality turned out better than my imagination. I found that after preparing the mixture and placing it on a bullet smoker under indirect heat—that is, directly over the water pan in the Weber Smokey Mountain—a patina of crusty smoke formed on the surface after about two hours. In fact, the bean mix looked more like a caramelized pie than a side! Anticipating guests who like to return for seconds, I kept the beans on the smoker and did not stir the concoction, cutting it like a pie slice when needed. To keep the beans moist, I would add some ketchup and a teaspoon of water. Then while everyone is eating, another patina forms on the surface of the beans in the smoker. If the mixture still dries, I just add a little water or beer. (If I’m low on beer, I add water and save the beer for finer purposes.)

Last summer, when I appeared at the neighborhood party full of strangers ("fourth annual," the host announced), I brought the smoked beans to the table, together with a serving spoon and pair of grill gloves to remove the cast iron lid. Below it on the table, I made a little placard announcing the covered dish. I deliberately placed the competitor’s bean mixture in a crock pot beside mine. It slouched in liquid, no doubt just as it had within a can.

Less than an hour later, I returned. An acquaintance showed me the spoonful that he wrestled from my cast iron to lick clean. The competition, however, had plenty of hot beans left. Just sayin’.

As my wife and I left, I recognized that no one will remember my name (I kept repeating it at the fourth annual event), but all will remember my mother-in-law. I kept thinking the beans form a fitting tribute—not to me—but to her.

I’m not joking. I hope you can think of your mother-in-law with affection, as I do mine, every time I make this recipe or taste the competition’s. The recipe turned bittersweet, not because I’ve soured on the recipe, but because my mother-in-law has passed away, and she cannot hear how she saved the day. I’ll remember her as the inspiration behind good things.

So try these beans; I’m sure you’ll enjoy them. Take them to your next gathering and stimulate some healthy neighborly competition.

Mother-in-Law Smoked Beans (for a Hungry Herd)

Ingredients

110 ounces (2 55-oz cans) of canned baked beans

1 lb. bacon cut into 1/4 inch pieces (optional)

1 large Spanish or Bermuda Onion or other sweet onion finely diced

1/2 cup dry mustard powder

1 teaspoon horseradish (Polish) mustard (or horseradish mustard)

1/2 cup light brown sugar

3/4 cup ketchup

1/4 cup of your favorite barbecue sauce

1 teaspoon hot pepper sauce (Tabasco), but adjust to taste

Grill-proof Dutch oven or cast-iron skillet

Directions for charcoal grill

Preheat charcoal grill, preparing a two-zone fire, placing the hickory chips on the hottest side after the coals are dumped. Use a water pan filled with warm water on the side opposite the charcoal. If using the Weber Smoky Mountain (preferred method), dump one small chimney of lit coals on one full chimney of unlit coals.

When grill is hot, place a cast iron skillet over the high heat. When skillet is hot, add the cut bacon pieces and, after the fat has been rendered, add the onion. Cook until the onion is tender when poked with a knife (5 minutes). Close the lid whenever possible. The bacon should be cooked until crisp. Remove from the fire and allow to cool.

In a medium Dutch oven or cast-iron cooking pan, dump one can of the beans, including all the liquid. Place one-half of the bacon-onion mixture as a layer above the beans. Next sprinkle one-half of the dry mustard powder as a thin layer above the mixture, and half of together with half of the horseradish mustard. Add one half of the sugar.

Empty the other bean can and liquid and repeat the layering procedure: mixture followed by dry mustard followed by hot mustard followed by horseradish mustard. Place a thin layer of light brown sugar over the top.

Squirt a line of ketchup as a final layer, this time using a crosshatch pattern that resembles the top of a country pie crust. Do the same with the barbecue sauce. Do NOT stir.

Drop pepper sauce on the top to taste.

Place the uncovered Dutch oven on the grill under indirect medium heat; close the lid.

After ten minutes, see if the bean dish is bubbling. If so, reduce heat by closing top vent halfway until bubbling subsides. Rotate Dutch oven but keep under indirect heat.

Maintain a 225-250 degree range for 2–3 hours; try to keep the grill lid closed as much as possible.

At three hours, check beans for taste and “bite”; also, see how hot the beans are, but again, do not stir. There should be a “crust” on the top surface of the bean mixture. Add additional pepper sauce if desired. Serve when other entrées are ready.

***

Here’s the recipe when using a 22” Weber Smoky Mountain

Directions

In a medium Dutch oven or cast-iron cooking pan, dump one can of the beans, including all the liquid. Place one-half of the bacon-onion mixture as a layer above the beans. Next sprinkle one-half of the dry mustard powder as a thin layer above the mixture, and half of together with half of the horseradish mustard. Add one half of the sugar.

Empty the other bean can and liquid and repeat the layering procedure: mixture followed by dry mustard followed by hot mustard followed by horseradish mustard. Place a thin layer of light brown sugar over the top.

Squirt a line of ketchup as a final layer, this time using a crosshatch pattern that resembles the top of a country pie crust. Do the same with the barbecue sauce. Do NOT stir.

Drop pepper sauce on the top to taste.

On a grill, place a cast iron skillet over the high heat. When skillet is hot, add the cut bacon pieces and, after the fat has been rendered, add the onion. Cook until the onion is tender when poked with a knife (5 minutes). Close the lid whenever possible. The bacon should be cooked until crisp. Remove from the fire and allow to cool.

With vents fully open, preheat smoker by dumping one small chimney of lit coals on one full chimney of unlit coals that you’ve placed inside the center ring. Spread lit colas so they are touch the unlit; when fire has caught hold, add hickory pieces.

Assemble the mid-section of the smoker, leaving the door off, and add the water pan. Fill completely with cold water. Place the lid section on top and bring your grill-safe pan with the bean concoction on the top grate. Place the hickory chips on the lit coals. Replace the door when the hickory chunks have caught fire and begin smoking.

After ten minutes, see if the bean dish is bubbling. If so, reduce heat by closing top vent halfway until bubbling subsides. Rotate Dutch oven but keep under indirect heat.

Maintain a 225-250 degree range for 2–3 hours; avoid peeking!

At three hours, check beans for taste and “bite”; also, see how hot the beans are, but again, do not stir. There should be a “crust” on the top surface of the bean mixture. Add additional pepper sauce if desired. Serve when other entrées are ready.